Secret Celebrations

Each career promotion I earned was personally and quietly celebrated. For one such promotion, I purchased a ring I had looked at many times. I went out to eat at a small "Mom and Pop" place I have always enjoyed, and smiled that good things were happening. The ring (and celebration) was simple, not too expensive, and private, and each time I wore the ring, I felt good that I was making a difference in the lives of students and teachers.

Another time I was promoted, I decided what would serve me best was not a bauble (though tempting it was) but a technology tool to simplify my work. I purchased a second computer screen and loved the flexibility it gave me to view and complete work. Once again, not too expensive, but I was pleased I was in a place where I could afford it and each day I used it, I knew how I had gotten it. Life was good.

Still another career step saw me back at the tech store to invest in a tablet so my work could go anywhere. In retrospect, not sure this was the wisest move as it meant I had no excuse to put the work away. I could curl up in the comfortable chair in the evening and instead of resting, I continued to answer emails, make notes, send messages to teachers, and more. For me, it was joyfully never-ending.

The last job-related victory purchase I made was a door decoration, one I had looked at several times at a local florist. I have made many such things in my time, but this one I wanted to buy, the fruits of someone else's labor, and so I finally did. The florist asked what took me so long as she had seen me eye it more than once. I smiled. I didn't want her to know it was tied to my personal achievement and my silent heretofore unknown reward system.

I have always been immersed in my work. I counseled others to set limits, compartmentalize responsibilities, and make sure their priority lists were in the correct order - and work shouldn't be at the top.

For me, however, work was indeed at the top and I claimed it was my choice. I never complained and I felt good about what I was doing, justifying it was for the team, the school, the greater good.


The ring is tucked away in a jewelry box. I haven't worn it since it was clear I was not going to be celebrating a job-related victory for awhile. For some inexplicable reason, my current laptop stopped recognizing the second monitor within months of unemployment and my limited tech expertise hasn't been able to correct the disconnect; it sits in a corner perfect but unusable. Sure wish it worked with the 20 hours a day I now spend in front of the screen searching.

My tablet doesn't hold a charge; I gave up and don't use it now. And the flowers? I took this picture because they now hang on a door that used to lead to an office. I don't look at them much, even averting my gaze when I pass by. They are a reminder of where I am "not" and while I don't remove them, I don't enjoy them either.

The point to this blog today? Maybe it is that we can't depend on anything and are only guaranteed today. I have never been someone who plotted courses, set my designs on something, and shoved people and things out of the way to insure I was where I deserved to be. Rather, I have moved through life just simply thrilled when given a responsibility, a chance, entrusted with the success of others and the causes to which they were attached. It's part of the reason I never minded working long hours. I wanted to do well, have always wanted to "please." and make that difference. All commitments, chosen or elected - parenting, marriage, teaching, administration, writing, friendship, volunteering - all have translated into purposeful living, and none more than a career. It meant important things to me.

I can only hope I get that chance again soon. The clock is ticking, ticking, ticking.